She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
