The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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