Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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