I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
