so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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