I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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