dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
