She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
