College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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