I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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