the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
