This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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