puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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