Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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