i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
