Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
