I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
