remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
