there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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