The brown eye won't let me do that either.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
