her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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