what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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