I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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