He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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