i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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