Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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