Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
