Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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