my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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