This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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