Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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