I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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