Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
