I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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