i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
