Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize