even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
