I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
