Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
