we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
