That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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