so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
