I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
