you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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