I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
