who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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