Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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