How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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