Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
