hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
