Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
