I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Randomize
