So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
