I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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