Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
