Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
