Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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