TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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