Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You're like the curious george of whores
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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