Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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