Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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