I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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