I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
