wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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