Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He is an equal opportunity slut.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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