do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
