With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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